I lay in bed for hours trying to fall asleep but every time I close my eyes all I see is you and I can’t help but cry because I fucked everything up. If I hadn’t reacted on my emotions maybe we wouldn’t be here. If I had treated you better through all the years we spent together maybe you would still love me. I’m not a victim in this situation, I caused my own heart ache and pushed you to far and now you’re not interested in letting me repair what I’ve broken. I don’t want you to see anyone else because the thought of you with someone else feels like daggers in my heart. All I want is to win you back and I don’t know if ill ever get the chance to.
I’m not posting this for sympathy, I just needed to put this out in the world that I’m sorry, I fucked up and acted out of anger in desperation. I was wrong, I’ve been wrong for a long time and never admitted that. I should have treated you like a king all these years but I treated you as someone who would never leave me no matter what I did and my actions caused me to loose the love of my life.
I’m sorry. I was wrong for a long time and I should have swallowed my pride and made amends. I should have showered you with love and affection. You will always hold my heart, one day I hope I can hold yours again to. I love you Nathaniel and I always will.